Obsessive Ex Syndrome  



Obsessive Ex Syndrome
Personal accounts from people who were Obsessors

The below accounts were collected via this website's anonymous survey.

This is probably an unusual response in that I was the obsessive ex male.
    I couldn't accept that the 3-year relationship was over. We tried to be friends, but that made it worse. She finally ended the relationship after I accused her of wasting three years of my life. There were a lot of factors to the break-up, her stealing from me, my refusal to make the changes she asked of me, her emotional manipulation and abuse, etc. I'm not trying to place blame on the relationship ending, but I am to blame for continually trying to contact her via e-mail, phone messages, and letters/notes. Part of it was me trying to get back certain possessions of mine, but a lot of it was misguided anger. I was trying to get her to hate me, to try and erase all the happy memories we had. We also live two buildings away from each other so we keep seeing each other a lot.
    I don't think I was stalking her in that I wasn't trying to keep track of where she was going, I didn't try to contact her friends or family, I didn't spread rumors.
    I did try to contact her at one point, under an assumed identity because a friend of mine had just passed away and I wanted some friendly words with my ex, even if she didn't know it was me. It was wrong, though, and I am not making excuses. There were some threats to humiliate her, but that was because of her refusal to return possessions and her then-boyfriend, a police officer, was harrassing me and I was afraid to go to his superiors with it, so I threated to expose pics of her to her family. Again, no excuses, I was wrong (though the harrassment did stop after that!). I am guilty of contacting her repeatedly. I admit that. I cannot stress how wrong it was, especially trying to rob her of our happy memories.
    This obsessive behavior finally ended after my contact via an alias and she took me to court to get a restraining order. The judge ruled that I was not stalking her, but that I did harass her via e-mail. I have a two-year restraining order against harrassment. I have not tried to contact her since the court date, and I have been in therapy with a psychologist. It is over. I accept that now. I regret what I did and I can only hope that I didn't destroy too much of what we had. I wish peace and happiness for everyone who has been a postive part of my life.

[Female Obsessor:]
Even though he said he wanted to break up with me, I did not want to accept it.  I always thought there was a way to somehow "patch up" the relationship, based on how many years we had been together and all that we had shared. I needed to realize that it just wasn't so.  I was almost numb to anything that he could have ever said to me. I eventually found out the he had been seeing another girl and keeping it from me. I wanted to patch things up even more, I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him and with the same intensity as the beginning of our relationship. But now I realize that that is just not so.
[The obsessive behavior ended when...]  Family and friends warned me of a potentially abusive and dangerous situation. And I did not contact him again.

[Male Obsessor:]
I was the obsessor. It's hard for even me to believe 'cause I'm a completely different person now. Back when I was in college (15 years ago), I was so in love with my ex, it became sick. When she broke it off, I'd call her house just to hear her voice (prior to caller I.D.) then hang up. I'd drive past her house at all hours of the night hoping to get a glimpse of her. Toward the end I decided to leave town, but not before toying with a sick idea.
    There was an abandoned school directly beside my apartment. My friends and I would often get drunk and break into the place. I knew no one ever came in other than us. It occurred to me that I could easily kidnap my ex (she didn't even have a driver's license so she walked everywhere) tie her up and torture her sexually in the old school. No one would even hear her screams because the place was huge. I never could figure out in my fantasy what I'd do with her after that.
    Thank God, I recognized the sickness of realizing such a thought before I went too far.
    The obsessive behavior ended when I realized how sick I had gotten and started dating full force again. And moved to another end of the country.


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