Obsessive Ex Syndrome
Personal accounts: Male Obsessor/Female Victim

The cases below represent typical OEX cases and typical endings.  (The media does not bother to report on the many lesser crimes of early OEX stages.  Most cases of Obsessive Ex Syndrome do not reach Stage 6.)  The below data was collected via this website's anonymous survey.

Keeps calling, trying to be with me, trying to touch me, won't leave me alone, keeps telling me he loves me, keeps acting like we're still in a relationship, threatens me with suicide if I do completely break it up with him.  What should I do?  I need to get out of this obsessive relationship, it's been going on for 5 years and I'm only 19!

His behavior included watching, stalking, criminal damage to my house, constant phone calls all day and night at home and work, verbal and physical threats, and physical violence when I tried to ignore him.  The problem ended when I involved police several times and prison would've been the next step.

Constant phone calls and prank calls whenever he wanted to call, didn't matter what time of day or nite it was! The guy called me at work too. At times he would drive by my house and visit my neighbors to spy on me. I was stalked and threatened with violence during this relationship. This man used to beat his other girlfriend all the time, so I'm sure if I had stayed it would have only been a matter of time before it happened with him and me.
    He just stopped, he must have gotten another girlfriend to pursue. The prank calls stopped when I got the police and phone company involved, they put a tracer on my line. Guess he didn't want to get in trouble, I told the prankster that I had a tracer on my line. Surprise surprise... the calls stopped!

Threatening phone calls, vandalism, multiple drive-bys.

My ex harassed me and stalked me for 9 months. From the day I managed to lock the door on him to the day he was imprisoned, he constantly phoned me and appeared at my windows. This would happened daily and go on all day and night. His calls, which could be 5 minutes apart, would range from screaming abuse at me, threatening me and crying. What was worse was he would appear at my windows screaming and this would often lead to him 'losing it' and kicking my door off. He would intimidate me, push me about and hit me. I had to always have my windows and doors locked and even at night he would obtain a ladder and be at my bedroom window to see what I was up to. The police were called constantly by myself and neighbours but all they could do was take him to court, then the judge would release him. They too were at a loss saying that I should move because they kept locking him up and the courts would release him. In the end he received a 3 month sentence after he broke into my house to get me and called the police himself stating that they'd better come and get him because he was going to kill me. After he got out he was banned from seeing or contacting me for 2 years. I still receive silent calls every couple of weeks but that's nothing compared to what it was like. Thankfully I think he got bored and moved on but I know that shutting the door on him that day 3 years ago was the best thing I've ever done.

A co-worker began to get harassed by a manager where we work. He would give her gifts, leave her poems, send her email (which is strictly prohibited at work), and repeatedly ask her out for dates.
    She mistakenly said yes to a lunch meeting to let him know she was not interested. This turned out to be a mistake on her part because he thought she liked him. When she started refusing his requests he winded up keying her car, sending her nastygrams and generally spreading rumors about how he and she had been intimate.
    She was about to call in a sexual harassment complaint on him when she met a guy who was former military and now flew planes for a living. Her soon-boyfriend decided to ground himself and took an office job.
    Things cooled off once this manager found out that she would file an sexual harassment suit on him. She had been keeping emails and sending them to me (for evidence storage) when she found out that he had gotten onto her computer at work. She was collecting data and told him so. When he realized that he might lose his $90,000 a year job, he decided to let things drop.
    Last I heard she moved out of state and now lives with her new husband on a ranch.
    Things do get better. Things got even better when the manager decided to move away from this office and got a transfer to another office in a different state.

My ex of many moons ago stalked me after breaking up with him. Not orders of protection, nor any of the strong male models in my family or friends stopped him. Oh well yah they knocked him around pretty good but he was persistent and waited till they were not around.
    The police were constantly called and he was constantly arrested for violating the order of protection. He literally stalked me for 4 years. Lurking around my house in all hours of the evening or twilight of the early morning, appearing on the train or bus that I was on and even following me to my job and not allowing me to go inside my office building once.
    He threatened me from jail many times to drop the charges or that I'd better not call the police on him again and he even threatened my life.

OBSESSIVE EX SYNDROME Stage 1: Courtship - tests how much control can get over partner Stage 2: Relationship - tries to maintain control Stage 3: Break-Up - Obsessor will not accept relationship is over; argues or discusses with ex-partner repeatedly Stage 4: Stalking - ex-partner is no longer willing to see Obsessor, but Obsessor keeps trying to contact Stage 5: Threats - intimidation, threatening, blackmail, etc Stage 6: Violence - abduction, assault, murder and/or suicide

    The obsessive behavior ended when I got sick of being nervous nelly and losing weight and losing my hair and having ulcers from all this and the embarrassment from all my neighbors pitying me and the harassment from him so I snapped -- on the train one day when he appeared from nowhere, sat next to me and proceeded to threaten me. Well I took out this sock full of nickels I had been carrying around just in case and I went berserk when he put his hands on me first and luckily for me I didn't hit him in the head or I would be in jail, but damned if I didn't whup the rest of his ass but good; after that, he left me alone. I was frothing at the mouth and everything -- I went absolutely BATTY on him.

The man who became obsessed with me did not like to lose. He wanted only the ownership, not the responsibility.  The obsessive behavior ended when he was convicted of assault.

He would threaten to burn my items I left in his apartment and is threatening to not give my stuff back if I don't have sex with him again. He has threatened to call the police on me for defending myself when he would call me all the time and I would block his calls.

Extremely violent boyfriend. Miriam continually tried to leave him following abusive & violent behaviour but he continually stalked her by turning up at her front door, her work and continuing to call her (up to 300 times a day!)  Also, would seek out her friends to obtain information and pass on messages of his supposed love... Phillip is currently facing 3 charges of assault with causing actual bodily harm, one of malicious damage to property & 3 breaches of AVO. He's pleading not guilty to all charges!

My sister was being stalked up until he was just put in jail. He was her ex-fiance. He had drug problems and she finally woke up. He abused her verbally and physically. He threatened the whole family. The last episode was she was getting gas, he saw her and threw her on the floor, threw a lit cigarette in her face. Two bystanders saw this and called the police. He broke his order of protection, and they threw him in jail. So for now she is safe. Thank god!  The obsessive behavior has been stopped for NOW. But one never knows. That is the scary part. Our question is what happens when he gets out, which I am sure is a fear for all who go through this.

The ex-boyfriend repeatedly sent cards and balloons saying they needed to talk, after his ex-girlfriend said she wanted no more contact. He called her several times a day, not leaving a message on her answering machine (she discovered it was him by dialing *69). He called later, played extremely derogative music, then ended the message by calling her a b_tch. He watches her every day. At the school dance, he sent his friend to tell her current boyfriend that he wanted to fight him. He also told his friend the whole time that her current boyfriend didn't deserve her and he was extremely mad about that. Reports of stalking were sent to her school dean for the second time. He continues to ask other people and talks about her. Right now, she receives numerous calls a day where the person hangs up on the answering machine. She believes he may be the caller.

I had dated "Eric" for a little over a year. When we broke up it was bad. Yelling, screaming, then begging and denial that I would leave him. I broke up with him for lying to me. I cut it off hard and fast and gave him no chance to talk to me once I ended the relationship. He would call my cell phone anywhere from 15 to 20 times a day trying to get me to talk to him. My father got involved when "Eric" called my parents at home and begged them to have me talk to him and answer his calls. My father threatened him with a restraining order - that didn't work. It took about three months and me moving until it was completely over.
    The obsessive behavior victim ended when I called the police because he would stand outside of my apartment and try to look into my windows at night.

The courtship seemed like a fantasy. He bought me all sorts of things, but later used that as a way of keeping me, stating that I owed him for all the money spent. We broke up several times over a period of months, each break-up getting more difficult and violent. He threatened to kill himself several times, and once drove us both into a tree. It escalated to him hitting me one of the times I tried to break things off. It still took several months for me to get the point across that we were no longer together. After that, he would stop by to "visit my parents", blatantly ignoring my presence, but making it clear that he could still gain access to me and my home.
    The obsessive behavior ended when I moved across the country. I found out months later that he had enrolled in the military and ended up stationed in the same state I was in. I hadn't put a phone in my name and wasn't listed and he didn't have much money, so he was unable to find me. He finally ended up being dishonorably discharged and sent back to his home. I've not heard from him or about him since.

Controlling, accusing, starting an argument, leaving and then wanting to come back, stealing, tried to pour gasoline on me and set me on fire, tried to set my house on fire, the day he picked up all his property he broke into my house while I was asleep - came into my bedroom - I played possum so he wouldn't hurt me. Has broken into my house since he left, takes my mail, leaves beer cans in the backyard, my dog is nervous when I get home, his friends still call looking for him. Shot at the windshield on my truck. Comes around to my house when I am at work.

Hang ups, drive-bys (as many as 20 a day) of my home. Control by proxy. Anonymous emails and calls from payphones. Borrowing other peoples' cars to do drive-bys.

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